Dedicated in memory of Scottie Teela

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God Don't Waste My Pain

As a care pastor, chaplain and hospice spiritual care giver, I have often been in homes, hospice houses and hospital rooms as dearly loved ones were dying. I have wept over friends. I have wept with my family. I never claimed to be like Jesus because I am often self-centered and sinful. However, in Isaiah 53 the Messiah is described as a man of sorrows and acquainted with grief. I understand this Jesus!

When I did my master’s project for my MA in ministry with grief counseling emphasis, I was given this criticism of my master’s project: “Tim, we agree with you, but you have not tried to prove anything that you wrote. You are 100% intuitive but not the least bit scientific.”

I have not changed. These are eleven suggestions gathered from my life experiences:


The Awful Must be Viewed as Awful
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Shame is an unnecessary part of grief.
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Be true to yourself with how you experience grief. Own your own grief style. What is your grief fingerprint?
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Know how your loved one grieves and have mercy on them if it is different than your grief style.
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Healthy grief is paved with sacred friendships.
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Practice limited vulnerability. (The opposite of the fifth)
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Grieve everything that you miss about the one you lost.
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The journey of grief is a very long trip.
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Grief has holy rhythms!
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Don’t waste your sorrow.
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And Finally, Eleventh

Make meaning out of your trauma but do not make your grief, sorrow, pain and trauma your identity.
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One Last Story!

Run with Purpose!
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